Empty mind.

Ok, once again regular patterns are shown by new people. Not that i'm surprised it's just that annoys me just as much as it did before even though i'm prepared for it. You even look into some peoples eyes and you can already see things that you wouldn't expect to be there so soon. Emotions such as disgust, confusion and boredom. I still try to change but it's just not that easy.
These eyes, eyes of new people, people I don't know at all basically, they can already make assumptions about me, assumptions that are correct. Am I that easy to read am I that easy to brake down into small fragments.

The only good thing about this is the mere fact that I actually have time to change how they see me. Maybe I even have the opportunity to change two eyes in particular. I wish they would look back a different way. But hey we've been down this path before so we know how it ends. I guess i'll just try to change the larger masses and work my way from there. Yet doing so is way to hard as the large mass consists of so few.

I do know I have to make an effort because I don't really feel like being looked upon this way anymore. Sadly enough my mind isn't sad at the moment, it's empty, it's blank. Im getting freaked out by this occurance. Am I so used to being sad and depressed that, in moments where sadness should present itself, I now feel nothing?

All and all, people affect me here. They affect me more than they know. I have to change that but feel temporarily incapacitated to do so. My mind is torn confused and empty and I don't like it one bit.