Communication.

Without doubt communication is a really important part of our lives. So it makes me kind of queesy knowing that my communication skills are almost oblivious. Like my inability to stay "normal" when talking to a good looking girl or mainly staying normal at all, this is based on two reasons.
1. I find myself fairly boring should I not act out my crazyness. 2. It's for protection.

I live by words spoken by a true pessimist: "Always expect the worst and you shall never be disappointed." .
These words help me carry out a conversation, because should I get my hopes up I will end up really broken 1000/999 times because , as i said in previous posts, I have no social skills.
This is a huge reason why I've never had a girlfriend. Before you think anything let me tell you that it is a vicious cycle. I get my hopes up, I get crushed, I lose confidence. With no confidence you get no breaks, so you end up deeper and deeper into that black hole of misery which you have created yourself. Created the very moment you got broken the first time.
But now and then I still get my hopes up and after each and every time I ask myself "WHY?" since I am never surprised by the depressing outcome of my tragical attempts of one day finding a girl who actually likes me.

So the odds for my success in this matter should be standing at a world record level att the bookmaker. I wish I could fix it, but as I am well aware of your confidence isn't rebuilt instantly. For some it probably takes a lifetime and that is time I don't have. *Tick Tock Tick Tock*