Diversions.

You could call me lucky, having so many diversions in my life that I forget how I normally feel.
Unlucky that no matter how many diversions there are I will always go back. The same state of mind as always and the same ways of thinking. Now and then I wonder if I might be to comfortable with how my mind works. Maybe I should be more conserned about how I actually feel. Then again doing anything about it seems kind of oblivious at this point.
Maybe I should aquire additional diversions, making me unaware of everything that goes on in my head.
All I can say is that once i'm totally lost there is no going back. That means I have chosen my path and that is not something you have the ability to change.

Diversions has helped me quite recently, diversions helped me overcome my latest double setback. Not that i'm surprised about the setback, it was a low odds situation. At least I didn't get as sad as I would normally have been. I think I tackled it quite well and because of that I feel some sort of pride towards myself. I made a choice as well, a choice I wouldn't normally do. I would tag along and accept the fate of the moment, but now I took charge of the situation and was able to rule out different options to my benefit.

This all sounds very promising and positive, but it's really just one of those times where I have to start all over again, from scratch. I am so accustomed to the situation that I almost can't bother. We are back to zero, we are back at nothing to once again start chasing the impossible. I could do with some more diversions in the near future, no doubt. Because apparently I haven't seen or heard the last of myself... not yet anyways.