So someone actually told me what they saw when they looked at me. The words I was told echo within my brain. To apparent. One contradictory sentence really got to me, it tears me up, and with all right. "I can see your using a shield, you don't need it. Just be yourself" Here's the deal, I am in a way in need of attention, because my normal personality is far from amusing or interesting. In fact you could quite simply call me uninteresting. I have "manly" interests, i'm not very fond of exploring and trying new things, i'm your typical stiff person. I use humour so that people at least have something to discuss with me. I have also used my "humour" so much that I am labeled as "the crazy guy". What woman likes "the crazy guy"?
As soon as I go normal and stop making jokes I come out as a depressed boring person, which I am beneath all the crap I project onto people. So either way I'm f*cked. I could become myself = A depressed boring person and know that I'm not lying about how I am. Or I could go on about my crazy business and appear normal by "people who knows me" standards, but in that case be doomed never to meet a woman. Yet everything that happens at the moment is happening against me. It's not funny at all. Suicidal thoughts? Occasionally. Suicidal attempts? None so far.
If you want to help this poor bastard, kick him in the nuts, he probably deserves it. Best wishes! An idiot in every aspect. (Im talking about myself people)
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