My hopes for yesterday evening was to remember the important thoughts I had the night before. This however failed, there was one time where I felt I got close, but it wasn't spot on so I left that thought alone to further search my mind in hope of discovering what I needed.
So I have given myself a maximum of three more nights and should it be that I haven't remembered anything until then I will just have to leave the search and continue as I always do, confused and depressed.
Not that I would get anything positive out of the lost thoughts, it's basically an affirmation of things I already know but from a new perspective.
I do know what chain of events started the thoughts, that should make it a possibility to backtrack in order to find what I am looking for. So you could say I am currently in a huge processing fase which will take a while, I will use large chunks of today trying to find what I need.
Two seperate threads of thinking still connected by my pessimistic ways of thought. That much I am certain of. Too bad it doesn't do me any good at this moment as i struggle with things I should leave alone. Other parts of my life intrude and interfere with one another making it hard for me to separate my thoughts. Even writing this just enhances my current state of confusion. I just wish I could find those thoughts within my head, I feel there is something or someone who will get a positive effect from knowing exactly what went through my mind at that particular moment. Now it's more or less a game of "Wait and see" until I find what I am looking for.
1 comment:
think less. act more. take care. :)
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