Today I saw a great change in the weather. The sun gave us warmth and the wind blew softly and gently. Everyone seemed happy as the warmth of the sun turned their winter moods into a summer-laughter.
As most people turn into glad and positive entitys, and all other positive things that summer weather brings, I turn into a more dark being.
Summer is not the time for me. Well that's not entirely true. There are certainly days during the summer that even I can call good.
The warm weather that came today reminded me of so many things from my past. My past wasn't bad in any way so the majority of memories were in fact happy memories.
But many of those things which sprung into my mind are so positive and so good that it makes me kind of depressed because I'm most certain I won't re-live any of those moments again.
There was also the factor of a death from last year that surely will make me fall into some sort of grief many times during the summer to come.
So many good childhood memories are linked to the now late person and a certain place to whom that person is connected. The person and place put together represent everything that summer is to me.
Since both the place and the person is no longer in my life it will be most difficult to experience a summer which would be remotely close, happiness wise, to the summers which I have had.
But now to the majority of my concern. Since I often thrive on the sadness and depression of others I function best during the cold and dark parts of the year. As other fail to see happiness and joy I go the opposite direction. It is not a feeling of choice, it is just the way I work.
Now dark and cold times are over and we can see the sun, hear the birds, see the change of color and of life. With these things come the joy and happiness of others and as I continue to go the opposite direction. Well you figure it out..
Summer is not a season ment for me any more.
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