Considering my large productivity of thoughts and blogposts last month, eventually I would hit a dry spot. So for almost 20 days (Second time i've had a break about that time) I have actually have no depressing encounters or events that would give my self-esteem a new blow.
So then you might wonder why I felt I had to write a new post at this moment.
Two things has made this entry a possibility, a dream and a song.
When I say dream I don't mean "I have a dream that one day I will be the best of the best", I mean a dream that you have during the night of course.
The dream itself really isn't interesting so I thought I'd specify the dream and focus on a specific moment within that dream. I can't really give a 100% detailed description of what she looked like, but I know she was probably the most beautiful person I've ever seen. She was just a bit shorter than me, long darkbrown hair which was held up by a headband. She had brown eyes and one of the loveliest smiles you could imagine. That's all I remember though, I can't really see her face clear any more. In the dream I was sad for some reason, inconsolably sad, then she came and just gave me a hug. For no apparent reason at all. With all due respect to people I know in real life, the hug I got in that dream was the best hug I've ever received. The hug lasted quite some time and there was such truth in it that I was left in chock when I woke up. As you could have predicted I was sad that I had to wake up, I could have stayed within that dream with that hug forever. I wonder who she was, I guess I'll never find out...
Then there is the song, so simple, yet so mighty. I can listen to it over and over, like with most songs I really like. This song however is quite different. It brings some sort of calm to me, a tranquility which only I can be apart of. The song could easily have been the background music to the hug. The question I ask myself is why I like it so much, is it the melody which has me captivated? It is good however, it brings alot of emotions and chains of thought, but all and all it is a good song.
So I leave you with this song, I hope it can give you just as much as it has given me.
Kleerup - Hero
Simplicity and beauty at it's best.
So this blog entry goes out to the mystery woman in my dream. Who ever you are, take this melody with you.
Sunday 23 November 2008
Wednesday 5 November 2008
The number increases.
It keeps getting larger and larger. I remember looking at that number when it was down to 8000. But that was a long time ago. I even think I glansed on that number when it was down to 7000. Time flies when you're not having fun. Yes I should forget about the number and just leave it be, however the number means both good things and bad. We all have a number, mine however is quite large in comparison to my age. Most people don't even have a number, but I do.
The number truly represents my failure and yet it represents so much more. How I managed to hold on and how I managed to stay alive. One thing is for sure, the number will not be the turning point as it increases to one more, the number won't help me get what I need. The number is a reminder, no more, no less. Perhaps one day I can stop counting and not just one thing, two things simultaneously ticking and increasing at the exact same rate, maybe I could stop counting on behalf of both things. If both things stopped ticking I could at least say that I'd accomplished some good. No, I don't mean good as in "good for everyone else", I mean good as in "Good for me personaly".
I enter a new stage which I couldn't have dreamed of 10 years ago. It is actually about 10 years ago now, not the original number but another number. Has it really been that long? What happened?
I just came to a revelation both saddening and disturbing. It's been going on for 10 years, do I need to listen for 10 more years.
As one number stops so must the others (eventually). The original number, the one who started it all, the dreaded reminder which I can not remove, the dreaded reminder which I can't really be without. For that number represents me and the number is about to become 8766. So I might still be here for the 17532. Although I hope not, because it is an eternity and beyond, it is torture on a mental level. It is a must, but it doesn't have to be the only way out.
Numbers, numbers, numbers... i'm still counting... are you?
The number truly represents my failure and yet it represents so much more. How I managed to hold on and how I managed to stay alive. One thing is for sure, the number will not be the turning point as it increases to one more, the number won't help me get what I need. The number is a reminder, no more, no less. Perhaps one day I can stop counting and not just one thing, two things simultaneously ticking and increasing at the exact same rate, maybe I could stop counting on behalf of both things. If both things stopped ticking I could at least say that I'd accomplished some good. No, I don't mean good as in "good for everyone else", I mean good as in "Good for me personaly".
I enter a new stage which I couldn't have dreamed of 10 years ago. It is actually about 10 years ago now, not the original number but another number. Has it really been that long? What happened?
I just came to a revelation both saddening and disturbing. It's been going on for 10 years, do I need to listen for 10 more years.
As one number stops so must the others (eventually). The original number, the one who started it all, the dreaded reminder which I can not remove, the dreaded reminder which I can't really be without. For that number represents me and the number is about to become 8766. So I might still be here for the 17532. Although I hope not, because it is an eternity and beyond, it is torture on a mental level. It is a must, but it doesn't have to be the only way out.
Numbers, numbers, numbers... i'm still counting... are you?
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