Life Spark.

By now you as readers are probably well aware of my mental status. I also bet you are aware about the fact that whatever crosses my mind doesn't surprise me. But now I will have to prove myself wrong as I found 2400 reasons today why, the statement that I won't get surprised by my thoughts, is wrong.

No matter what state I have been in I have always felt. I have always had emotions that can be linked to every situation. I have had dreams, visions, revelations, appifanys and all these have been with a certain emotion inside me. Different emotion for different situations of course but emotions none the less. Yesterday I believe I might have encountered a new low. Not a dramatic low, but a huge low. For approximately 2400 seconds, or 40 minutes if you will, I was emotionless. I didn't feel anything. Because of my non-emotional status I can only reflect on these minutes because of how I FELT before and after.
Before that moment I was lying and thinking as I do sometimes. Thinking about everything and nothing. At some point I must have thought about something my mind would classify as forbidden, thus shutting down my entire existance it would seem. I can't really explain it but 40 minutes of my life disappeared almost as quick as you snap your fingers. But I am so aware of the fact that I didn't feel anything.

After I "woke up" from this state I got really sad. Really, really sad. The mere fact of being awake and actually experiencing emotionlessness was horrifying once I understodd what had happened. I believe that for about 40 minutes, or 2400 seconds if you will, I lost my life spark.
Now it seems I feel more than ever because I don't want to go back to my non-emotional state again. Life spark remain with me.. please..