Tuesday 4 August 2009

A sense of belonging.

I believe that every person has a particular place in the world where they belong or even better, where they FEEL they belong. Most people have found that place and can in many ways be considered lucky. After much thought, and a long episode of reminiscing my entire life, I came to the conclusion that I actually don't belong anywhere. At least not in a way that I feel like I belong.
Every subject which I have come into contact with in my life has rendered me friends (Yes that is a good thing) but I have never really belonged.
I remember so many people, some which I still keep in touch with but also all those who I have no idea where they are in life. I remember them but I do not feel like I belonged with any of them.
There is only one person in my life which I can truly say I belong with. That person has unfortunately disappeared and can as such give me little help in this matter.
This person is from way back, but it is still one of the most important persons I have ever met considering what this person did for me.

Other than that I can't say I've felt a real feeling of belonging. For those people which I hang out with today I beg of you to not get mad at me for saying this. These are feelings that has nothing to do with who you are as persons, because I am grateful for all your friendships. These feelings are just there anyway. I have felt them today, I felt them yesterday and the day before that. I can honestly say that I have felt this feeling for a very, very, very long time.
I want to focus on how to get the feeling out of my head. But it is easier said than done since I have to find that place of belonging. That particular place in which I know, with every fiber of my body, that "This is where I belong and there is no other place in the world where I can feel the same way".

But finding such a place would set other thoughts and feelings in motion. When you find your place of belonging, how could you possibly leave willingly when you know in your heart that this is your place. Could you even be bothered with existing in another place knowing full well where your special place is located?
I find this hard to believe, but the moment you know you've found your place of belonging, the moment you know you can't feel much better. Oh, how I long for such an emotion as it is a gift and an illusion at the same time.

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