Saturday 13 February 2010

Collisions & the absense of joy.

Well lets start out on a simple note, so many feelings and events has collided lately that it is almost annoying. But it shouldn't bother me since I am in almost no way directly connected to these events that still possessed the power to get on my nerves. And further more I have to come extremely close to these events within a near future which could render in some interesting evolving of the way I control my emotions. But we'll leave that subject for now...

The absense of joy is eomthing else entirely. I almost never feel joy. Why this is I do not know, but it seems that I have a hard time finding the joy of things that other people seems to have no problem enjoying. But what worries me is that this is another step towards becoming emotionally numb. That frightens me, I would have no real insight or information about myself if I should enter this numbening state. As much as my feelings and my mind are both a good and a bad thing I still feel it is a necessity to have them around.
Technically it would affect me like any other person, so that's nothing new. But it would be a brand new thing for me to become emotionally numb and I don't believe you'll ever come back from it. This stresses the issue that I have to find out more. But how do you find out new and important information from a thing that is successfully regressing every single day.
The faltering of my inner soul, or something poetic like that. That is what I must fight against.
That is my current fight... well the biggest fight of them all...

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