External sources.

Let's begin with a simple explanation. I have let external sources guide me through life, and many sources at that.
Now the important part.
How has this happened?
To a large extent all the external sources, which I have let influence my life, are quite similar and can as such be explained in a fairly easy way.
The sources are mostly TV based, and to be really honest it is mostly fragments from each individual source which interest me.
I see myself in those sources and I can relate to most things they do, but I'll never be like them and I will probably never achieve the same success as them. It's amazing how fake people can actually have such great impact on one man, but they do, and that frightens me in so many ways.
I look at them and see myself. Sometimes I see good and other times I see bad, not a surprising verdict but that's the way it is.
The sources (fake as they are) share my inside, and they definitely don't share my outside.
So take the outside part away and there you have me. I see myself in them, thought wise!
Things they say and events that happen are often direct copies of things that has happened to me over the years. What separates us is the fact that they find solutions to their problems, something I have yet to accomplish.
What goes through my mind the very moment they solve a problem I am familiar with my mind goes blank, I see rage and I see anger, frustration and desperation towards the fact that I won't solve my problem any time soon.
Despite all this I still look at them the next day, and I ask myself, why can't I be like them.
Deep inside me I already hear the quite apparent reason, it's too late, it really is too late.
But for all I care, I would not sit hear without the external sources, they are a drug and a curse, and I love them for it.